Open letter from a father to a son who just got married
Marriage is one of the most wonderful things that will happen to you. And now that you are married, you will see a lot of changes down the lane, most of which you will cherish forever. Nidhi is a wonderful young woman, and your mother and I are so happy to welcome her to become a part of our family.
Son, marriage is a wonderful trip you take on this road called Life. Today, I want to share with you a few things that will make this journey a pleasant and happy one.
Your wife isn’t the perfect person in the world, you shouldn’t expect her to be. She’s just that right person who would complete you and for which you have to play your part with honesty.
Son, there are five pillars of a happy & uplasting marriage.
The first pillar is loyalty. When you take a vow to spend the rest of your life with a person, you honour that vow. Your wife puts her trust in you, never dishonour that. Once that trust is broken, it can take a lifetime to regain it.
The second pillar is trust. Your wife will play a number of roles. Trust her to be that best friend you can open up to about anything. Trust her to be that support system you turn to when life gets difficult.
The third pillar is respect. Your wife is more than just your wife; she’s a woman first, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, and she will someday be a mother. Respect her for who she is. Respect her time, her decisions, her mindset, her beliefs, and above all respect her for choosing you as her life partner.
Respect that she has a life of her own and that it doesn’t primarily revolve around you. Yes, you are an important part of her life, but still, a part. She has her work and her own set of work problems, try to give her space when she needs it and make things easier for her.
Beta, I know you don’t have that narrow mindset but we men might still unknowingly say or do something that makes our wives feel like they are taken for granted. Try to divide the work, take the responsibility of paying household bills or taking out the trash in the mornings. If you see her folding laundry while you sit watching TV, give her a hand. Trust me, when you do these small everyday things together, you strengthen your bond too.
The fourth pillar that keeps a marriage going is communication. You have to talk, that’s the secret. Talk about the good things and the bad ones, especially the bad ones. Tell her if you have a problem with something she does. If it’s something that will upset her, still tell her but in the nicest way you can.
One conversation you must have is regarding money. With both of you earning, money management becomes essential to make the most of it- both as a family, as well as for your individual needs. Son, marriage is the first step towards a life of togetherness. Soon you and Nidhi will buy a house or a car together and a big amount of both of your earnings will go towards EMIs. It’s easy to bear these expenses when she has your support but God forbid, should something happen to you, a big financial burden will fall on your wife. One way to ensure that Nidhi never has to go through the hardship of making ends meet by herself and that you are always there to help her is by taking a term insurance plan. I know you have always thought about others before yourself, and when you protect your wife from unforeseen difficulties by buying a term insurance plan, it becomes the most selfless act you can do as a husband for your wife.
The last pillar of marriage is love. Son, love is what keeps a marriage going. I cannot define love, I don’t think anyone can, but when two people try hard to stay together because there’s just that connection, that bond, that invisible thread that they cannot see breaking, I think that is love. Love your wife, not despite her flaws, but for them. Love her for who she is, for how she makes you feel, above all love her for being a part of your life.
Son, marriage is like building a house. You lay the foundation by choosing your life partner and then build on it brick by brick. However, there will be a tile getting loose here, a light bulb going off there, but you don’t abandon that house. You work towards fixing it and I know that’s what you will do. I know you will give in your hundred percent, because you have always been that kind of a person. But when things get too much for you, come see your father. We’ll sit over a drink and complain about women, and how there’s no living with them and there’s no living without them!